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chuck of course! he can slam a revolving door!

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.



Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty



Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.



Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.



Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.



Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.



If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the *#%+ down



Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris



Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.



Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.



Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.



A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.



Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.



There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.



Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.



Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds



When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?"



Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.



Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.



Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.



Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.



Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.



Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.



If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.



When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.



Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.



Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.



God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.



When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.



Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.



A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.



Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.



Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.



Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.



If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.



Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.



Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.



If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.



Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.



Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.



Chuck Norris invented water.



Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.



Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"



One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.



Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.



Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.



Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.



Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.



In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.



Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant. He just doesn't put up with lactose's +%%!.



Chuck Norris doesn't eat. Rather he kicks ass until he's full.



Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what "his way" detailed, he replied: "with barbed wire and nails, of course". He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.



Chuck Norris never "gets laid", rather: "laid gets Chuck".
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.


The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.


Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.


Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.


Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.


The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.


Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.


Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.


When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1.... 1 roundhouse kick to the face..
Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris



Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.



When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."



Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.



When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.



On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't %%%$**$ think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."



Chuck Norris can !%!# into gale force winds.



There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living +%%! out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.



Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
a meteor, and still owes him a beer.



Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.



Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.



Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.



After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".



Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Hey Rani i didnt see ur post until now and 2 long time no see!